Trella's PicksThe following Posts are authored by varoius people (including myself) with the common thread being that they all had something powerful, supportive, inspiring and healing to say. Archives
May 2020
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A Great Lie of Humanity: The Perfect Mother
A great lie is that all women are natural mothers and that we are all supposed to enjoy pursuing being a perfect mother. A Perfect Mother: is one of the greatest shams that we, as women, are beating ourselves up for not being. Or on the other side the women and men who look down on someone being “just” a mom. It is such a no-win situation. There is no "perfect" mother and just because you're female doesn’t mean you're automatically cut out for mother perfection. So now we have all been set up for the white elephant in the room which no one can state except in therapy: my mother failed me. I have looked a ton of clients and myself on this issue. Daughters who must choose duty and sons who must prove loyal to the “perfect mother” sham are just trapped in this cycle in a whole other way with its resentments, anger, insecurity and deep questioning of themselves as if they are likable or lovable. And there is so much going on with women’s projected resentment of having to be the perfect mom or expecting our children to validate us as being the perfect mom. Then there is the gnawing of guilt that no matter how well things look on the surface the subconscious underbelly of not having done enough or lying about how great a mom you are wrecks the mind and the body on many levels. Surprisingly even high integrity genuinely loving parents (both loving and caring at the physical and the subconscious/spiritual level) can still have children with some parental issues to work through. This is the problem not of us as individual mothers or certainly not as children. I think it is a failure of modern isolationism and how we practice “ownership” over our children. Humans evolved as communities where child rearing was a shared large group responsibility - our success on the planet has proved that model works. It has been only the last couple hundred years (and most particularly the last 50) that raising children is in isolation of other members/caregivers/family. It takes a village to raise a child, and modern life is about isolation at every level. Mothers simultaneously resent all the burden they must shoulder and so are not fully available, present, abandoning and even abusing. But the fear and taint of being called a bad mother, as well as a deep need not to feel alone or wanting to be loved, creates parental behaviors of making children feel insecure, needy and not fully maturing into independence so they can leave the mother. I have seen this across generations and struggled with relationships with my grandmother and other female care takers, my mother, my daughter and women. I have seen those whom self is defined by mother-hood so the control that extends from this onto their children is smothering to invalidating. The mother-child relationship is such a deep bond that it takes incredible sense of self to be really free of it. I think it is time to give ourselves, our mothers and our children freedom by just admitting the obvious: motherhood is hard, under-valued, taxing and in a constant state of anything but perfect. And we have all been given a raw deal by expecting that one person can, should and must be capable enough to fill all the 24/7, multitude and complex needs a child rightly has. Who can live up to that? It’s got disappointment written all over it and how does it play out similarly in romantic love (“You are my everything”). Those are some heavy to impossible expectations. It is not fair to anyone of us to keep this lie going. Be happy to share your child to the love, wisdom, caring, play and intelligence of those with good integrity if you have that opportunity (many of us do not). Educate and enable your child to grow into a person who can meet their own needs and so when grown chooses to have an adult to adult relationship with you because they love and like you, not because they have been turned into Mama’s Boys or Approval Seeking Girls. So don’t demand perfection of yourself or that view from your children, we will all be happier and more content for it. -Trella Davis, Mother
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Limited Abundance?
I will share my silliness: I was looking at this scarcity behavior (hoarding, jealousness, deceptive kindness, etc.), then looked at my access to channeling Abundance [I channel a lot of healing energies]... it was lidded up in a jar hoarded away. Argh! Well the juice is out of the jar folks: Gratitude-Abundance-Generosity (soft yellow goldish looking energy). Enjoy! - Trella Davis
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A Perfect Mother: one of the greatest shams that we are beating ourselves up for not being. There is no "perfect" mother & just because you're female doesnt mean you're automatically cut out for mother perfection. Humans evolved as communities where child rearing was a shared group responsibility - our success on the planet has proved that model works. It takes a village to raise a child & modern life is about isolation. So dont demand perfection of yourself or that view from your children, you'll both be happier. -Trella Davis
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This is a class project where we focused our intentions consistently on healing Japan: The People, The Land and The Water. We held our intentions with 100% focus while toning. There are also Binaural Beats embedded in the song that entrain your brain into Theta (especially effective when listening on headphones). This song is in the Key of D as many in esoteric circles believe is the true key of love (same as Pachelbel Canon). Full Song 10 mins - www.SoundHealingCenter.com/music.html#japan
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There are needs, then there is “needy”. I make a distinction.
Depending on your childhood, your needs could be a fearful set of liabilities or a regular opportunity to express your creativity, negotiation and flexibility with interacting with the rest of the world. When you haven’t been taught that its ok to have needs and how to take care of them for yourself, you’re stuck never being able to do the most basic foundations for yourself. Needs get a bad rap even from the best of us and it seems like the few who can have their needs AND the permission to own getting them met with self responsibility can sometimes get all the glory/the goods. Men tend to have a lot more cultural permission to meet their needs than women but that isn’t always true either. When you can’t honor your own needs because they are a “weakness” or you weren’t empowered (or disempowered for that matter) to take care of and meet your own needs, this gap happens. Your needs can never be met or you can never help get your needs met. So now it is up to someone else to quench the unquenchable thirst and your needs have now become the monster/enemy/hurt child frozen in time. Only you can truly get your needs met because only you can fully have them. Getting a need met with or through someone or something else is fine, not just fine but normal, not just normal but how we evolved as a collective species of mammals – its core to what made us more successful than reptiles and our reptilian brains. It is what we call society. We are not islands we are humans. It is our collective interaction and collaborative sharing on multiple sophisticated levels that makes us unique among all mammals. We have become these incredibly isolated islands in modern culture; and so have become needier than ever. So celebrate and welcome your needs as valid. By listening to yourself and letting yourself have and honor your needs, it makes it much more satisfying and positive to go about filling and providing for them …instead of say a bother or boring or intimidating. A lot of folks talk about how we’re supposed to be whole and complete first before looking for relationships with others. I don’t agree. If I was a complete island then why would I need you or anyone for that matter and I can go and have my monk in the cave existence. Needs expressed in a mature clean way (no pre-expectation or assumption on the statement, e.g. the leading question) can become a way of sharing, collaborating, learning and growing. And not just for the individual but for the group, be it a group of two or seven billion. Needs can be your friend and teacher on how to move through the world and build the character of yourself. -Trella
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Group Meditation - Reading - Healing on the Trauma In Japan
FORWARD This Message Please - Open To All Time: Sunday, March 27th at 2:00pm Pacific Listening method: Phone + Web Simulcast To attend, visit: http://InstantTeleseminar.com/?eventID=18526251 Phone Number: (415) 671-4335 Pin Code: 249352# This is a group gathering free on phone/web to work on the situation in Japan, as well as how that is impacting yourself (emotionally, possible radiation fall-out in the West Coast, etc.). This is not: a process group, a teaching session, or anything where you can get your hand held a lot. This is a session to look at the issues going on with the Japanese and the Earth and work on ONLY what is Safe, Welcomed & Appropriate Self-Responsibility to Support Through Distance Healing Last 2 Sunday's Sessions have been Powerful and Interesting to say the least with what information came up, so I am sure this next session will be no less insightful. Session Intention: From a place of Compassion and Dignity (and NOT Pity - there is no invalidation of a natual earth process or of folks experience of that) to support and assit energetically with healing. You can choose to match any of the healing work that occurs in the session. You can intend your own trauma can be healed or whatever intention is right for you. Please be meditated, grounded, prepared in whatever way that means for you Before you get on the call - I will lead a Brief grounding but you need to prep yourself. For those without any experience in this, You are Welcome on the call - just match any healing that occurs, learn something new and/or just hold your own intention for self/the Trauma healing; honestly just holding space for yourself to do that has its own power. I dont care about your modality - all are fine. There are a lot of Problems, so to deal with the Issues, Pick One or Something that you care about and stick to it until appropriate completion in the session. Some Issues to Work On/Look at: - Nuclear Power Plants - Nuclear Fallout - Earth Quakes/After Shocks/Earth Energy - Missing Persons - Trauma/Shock - Physical Injury - Communications Systems - Leadership/Govt - Receiving Support/Help - Loss/Grief Title: Japan Trauma - Distance Healing & Meditation Group Time: Sunday, March 27th at 2:00pm Pacific Listening method: Phone + Web Simulcast To attend, visit: http://InstantTeleseminar.com/?eventID=18526251 Phone Number: (415) 671-4335 Pin Code: 249352#
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Are You in Communication WITH Your Body?1/18/2011 Are You in Communication WITH Your Body? Check out my class - Heal your spirit, heal your body to
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Some Thoughts for 20111/13/2011 2011 - Some Thoughts for this Year:
- More focus on personal intergration and oneness with the self/owning your own truth - More Skeptics open up to Spirit or the concepts of truth is not finite to just what can be seen - Easier to manifest what you hold your attention on (for good or ill) - For some more Coming to terms & acceptance with your inner child and how that impacts your relationship with self and others. Acceptance sometimes means a willingness to lovingly release an attachment to someone else and move on. - Financial fear increases for those not willing to change patterns or process - Aging population and increasing sensitivities to spirit means more sensitivity to toxins in environment, food & otherwise
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Its "Black Friday" today (for my many international fans that means today many Americans are either frantically shopping or in a "Food & TV" stupor). I see it as the American addiction to trying to cover the pain of not Accepting Ourselves and that who we are as not being Valid.
We're type-A masters at it, really. We're all overweight with too much meaningless junk in our closets taking anti-depressants hopelessly trying to prove ourselves worthy to others of respect, our own individuality and power ... and by extension the same to the rest of the world. If we have infiltrated your country with our military troops/bases, our poisonous processed food purveyors, and over-the-top ego-centric pop-cultural media messages ….SORRY. We’re just working through our internal personal issues (a.k.a. our shit) on a global scale. With Love & Honesty, Trella
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“Inspiration is for amateurs. I just get to work.” – Chuck Close
It may be that I like hearing about the work habits of writers and artists I like almost as much as I like their work. How do you force yourself to do work no one (really, like, no one) is clamoring for, in addition to doing the long apprentice work you need to do to build your chops? As most of our work gets less structured and more creative, it might prove helpful to take a look at how artists get their stuff done. And, sorry, all those romantic notions you have of absinthe spoons, manic episodes and Kerouac-like rambling on a long roll of butcher paper really aren’t operative. Creative work is mostly showing up every day and enduring a million tiny failures as you feel your way to something a bit new. - Chuck Close |