There are needs, then there is “needy”. I make a distinction.
Depending on your childhood, your needs could be a fearful set of liabilities or
a regular opportunity to express your creativity, negotiation and flexibility
with interacting with the rest of the world.
When you haven’t been taught that its ok to have needs
and how to take care of them for yourself, you’re stuck never being able to do
the most basic foundations for yourself. Needs get a bad rap even from the best
of us and it seems like the few who can have their needs AND the permission to
own getting them met with self responsibility can sometimes get all the
glory/the goods. Men tend to have a lot more cultural permission to meet their
needs than women but that isn’t always true either.
When you can’t honor your own needs because they are a “weakness”
or you weren’t empowered (or disempowered for that matter) to take care of and
meet your own needs, this gap happens. Your needs can never be met or you can
never help get your needs met. So now it is up to someone else to quench the
unquenchable thirst and your needs have now become the monster/enemy/hurt child
frozen in time. Only you can truly get your needs met because only you can
fully have them.
Getting a need met with or through someone or something else is
fine, not just fine but normal, not just normal but how we evolved as a
collective species of mammals – its core to what made us more successful than
reptiles and our reptilian brains. It is what we call society. We are not
islands we are humans. It is our collective interaction and collaborative
sharing on multiple sophisticated levels that makes us unique among all mammals.
We have become these incredibly isolated islands in modern culture; and so have
become needier than ever.
So celebrate and welcome your needs as valid. By listening to
yourself and letting yourself have and honor your needs, it makes it much more
satisfying and positive to go about filling and providing for them …instead of
say a bother or boring or intimidating.
A lot of folks talk about how we’re supposed to be whole and
complete first before looking for relationships with others. I don’t agree. If
I was a complete island then why would I need you or anyone for that matter and
I can go and have my monk in the cave existence.
Needs expressed in a mature clean way (no pre-expectation or
assumption on the statement, e.g. the leading question) can become a way of
sharing, collaborating, learning and growing. And not just for the individual
but for the group, be it a group of two or seven billion. Needs can be your
friend and teacher on how to move through the world and build the character of
yourself.
-Trella
Group Meditation - Reading - Healing on the Trauma In Japan FORWARD This Message Please - Open To All Time: Sunday, March 27th at 2:00pm Pacific Listening method: Phone + Web Simulcast To attend, visit: http://InstantTeleseminar.com/?eventID=18526251Phone Number: (415) 671-4335 Pin Code: 249352# This is a group gathering free on phone/web to work on the situation in Japan, as well as how that is impacting yourself (emotionally, possible radiation fall-out in the West Coast, etc.). This is not: a process group, a teaching session, or anything where you can get your hand held a lot. This is a session to look at the issues going on with the Japanese and the Earth and work on ONLY what is Safe, Welcomed & Appropriate Self-Responsibility to Support Through Distance Healing Last 2 Sunday's Sessions have been Powerful and Interesting to say the least with what information came up, so I am sure this next session will be no less insightful. Session Intention: From a place of Compassion and Dignity (and NOT Pity - there is no invalidation of a natual earth process or of folks experience of that) to support and assit energetically with healing. You can choose to match any of the healing work that occurs in the session. You can intend your own trauma can be healed or whatever intention is right for you. Please be meditated, grounded, prepared in whatever way that means for you Before you get on the call - I will lead a Brief grounding but you need to prep yourself. For those without any experience in this, You are Welcome on the call - just match any healing that occurs, learn something new and/or just hold your own intention for self/the Trauma healing; honestly just holding space for yourself to do that has its own power. I dont care about your modality - all are fine. There are a lot of Problems, so to deal with the Issues, Pick One or Something that you care about and stick to it until appropriate completion in the session. Some Issues to Work On/Look at: - Nuclear Power Plants - Nuclear Fallout - Earth Quakes/After Shocks/Earth Energy - Missing Persons - Trauma/Shock - Physical Injury - Communications Systems - Leadership/Govt - Receiving Support/Help - Loss/Grief Title: Japan Trauma - Distance Healing & Meditation Group Time: Sunday, March 27th at 2:00pm Pacific Listening method: Phone + Web Simulcast To attend, visit: http://InstantTeleseminar.com/?eventID=18526251Phone Number: (415) 671-4335 Pin Code: 249352#
Are You in Communication WITH Your Body?
Most have some level of frustration with our bodies. The US economy/advertisers are dependent on maintaining a level
of dissatisfaction or we would not buy much of the stuff we do. The point is,
there is little communication WITH our bodies. Its only with a positive,
respectful & goal oriented relationship with others that things get done, so
consider your body as no different.
Check out my class - Heal your spirit, heal your body to
2011 - Some Thoughts for this Year:
- More focus on personal intergration and oneness with the self/owning your own truth
- More Skeptics open up to Spirit or the concepts of truth is not finite to just what can be seen
- Easier to manifest what you hold your attention on (for good or ill)
- For some more Coming to terms & acceptance with your inner child and how that impacts your relationship with self and others. Acceptance sometimes means a willingness to lovingly release an attachment to someone else and move on.
- Financial fear increases for those not willing to change patterns or process
- Aging population and increasing sensitivities to spirit means more sensitivity to toxins in environment, food & otherwise
Its "Black Friday" today (for my many international fans that means today many Americans are either frantically shopping or in a "Food & TV" stupor). I see it as the American addiction to trying to cover the pain of not Accepting Ourselves and that who we are as not being Valid.
We're type-A masters at it, really. We're all overweight with too much meaningless junk in our closets taking anti-depressants hopelessly trying to prove ourselves worthy to others of respect, our own individuality and power ... and by extension the same to the rest of the world. If we have infiltrated your country with our military troops/bases, our poisonous processed food purveyors, and over-the-top ego-centric pop-cultural media messages ….SORRY.
We’re just working through our internal personal issues (a.k.a. our shit) on a global scale.
With Love & Honesty, Trella
“Inspiration is for amateurs. I just get to work.” – Chuck Close
It may be that I like hearing about the work habits of writers and artists I like almost as much as I like their work. How do you force yourself to do work no one (really, like, no one) is clamoring for, in addition to doing the long apprentice work you need to do to build your chops? As most of our work gets less structured and more creative, it might prove helpful to take a look at how artists get their stuff done. And, sorry, all those romantic notions you have of absinthe spoons, manic episodes and Kerouac-like rambling on a long roll of butcher paper really aren’t operative. Creative work is mostly showing up every day and enduring a million tiny failures as you feel your way to something a bit new. - Chuck Close
Let's let go of "You're perfect just the way you are." It really blows b/c that means you with your problems is perfect - i.e. you shouldnt change or somehow you should be totally 'happy' with that... or if that is what is perfect then where do you go with that? How about: "You are valid and lovable just as you are." With this you can be who you are and thats ok as well as you can have permission to change/grow too.
- Trella
Love is the Ultimate Self-Responsibility.
My Tahitian Music Master Teacher , “It is the drums, the music that is the heart of the dance. That is why you must not let your mind wander, you must be disciplined, you must embody the rhythm through practice. The music directs the flow of the dancers. If it is off or inconsistent it disrupts everything. It is an awesome responsibility but it is what it is.”
Physiologically the heart is the largest single electro-magnetic pulse throughout the body. It is the drum beat to which the self: the body, the mind, the emotions, the spirit are either in symphony or not. It is indeed a huge responsibility to bare, for it means to know oneself and to love that, to accept oneself and to live according to that. No more lies or competition, just truth and genuine expression of self. It takes ownership of your inherent free-will and the choices you have made up to the present moment. The self-responsibility is great but the outcome is joy and wisdom.
-Trella
“Aaa eeh tde oa raaa eeh. Eeh Eeh, Awaay, way.”
http://www.usatoday.com/money/workplace/2005-12-29-women-bosses-usat_x.htmDo women compete in unhealthy ways at work?By Stephanie Armour, USA TODAY
As founder and president of a fitness training enterprise, Beth Shaw used to deal with management issues at
her fitness training and education company, which is largely composed of women.
But Shaw says she soon got weary of dealing with all the competition between her female staff.
"Women complain that they're not getting what they need, but are nice to each other's face. Everything is behind the back, (and) nothing is on the up and up," says Shaw, whose company, YogaFit, is based in Redondo Beach, Calif.
"Women really need to be trained to be assertive and outspoken so it's not passive-aggressive."
The feminist movement that took root in the 1960s embraced the concept of women as standing shoulder-to-shoulder in their effort to open new doors in male-dominated businesses.
But today, with the number of women in the labor force at record numbers, another question is being raised: In the workplace, are women sometimes their own worst enemies?
It's the topic of a book, I Can't Believe She Did That! Why Women Betray Other
Women at Work, which was released in October and has attracted articles in
international publications. The book by journalist Nan Mooney, based on
interviews with more than 100 women, concludes that women often shy away from
direct conflict and instead engage in unhealthy competition — talking behind
one another's backs, sabotaging success, feeling threatened by other women --
that can be detrimental to all women in the workforce.
"It's been such a taboo subject. To say women have problems with each other is seen
as anti-woman, but it's not," Mooney says. "Women are afraid to raise
a problem, so it goes underground, and it comes out in a twisted way. Why is it
so hard to work with other women? Why are we so nasty to each other?"
Mooney's research looked only at the way women compete with each other, not at the ways
that men compete. She says women aren't more competitive than men, but that
they compete differently.
Other research has also probed the topic, including a survey that found that more
women would rather work for a man than another woman. Thirty-two percent of
women prefer a male boss, compared with 23% who would rather have a female
boss, according to a 2002 Gallup Poll, the most recent year in which the
question was asked. From 1982 on, men have consistently been more accepting
than women of female bosses, according to Gallup polling.
Perpetuating a stereotype?
Some consultants and researchers, however, say the debate about whether women
compete more passive-aggressively than men is misplaced. Employees compete
differently based on their personality, not on their gender, they say, and
debating the issue perpetuates a negative and untrue stereotype.
"While there is a negative, stereotypical view that women compete with each other in
the workplace, the reality is that each woman or man in the workplace is unique
in terms of how he or she competes with others," says Brendan
Burnett-Stohner, a vice chairwoman at executive search firm Christian & Timbers.
Research from Catalyst, a New York-based research and advisory group that focuses
largely on women, shows that senior female executives consistently point to
gender-based stereotyping as a major barrier to their advancement. Men consider
women to be less adept at problem solving, according to the October report.
Research also has found that female leaders have a different leadership style that is often more effective than a man's in some areas. Female leaders scored higher than male leaders in persuasive
motivation, assertiveness, willingness to risk, empathy, flexibility and
sociability, according to research from Caliper, a Princeton, N.J.-based consulting firm.
Female leaders also have an inclusive, team-building leadership style of problem
solving and decision-making, according to the study. The study included
interviews with 60 female leaders from some of the top companies in the United
Kingdom and the USA, including Accenture, Bank of America, IBM, Molson Coors and Morgan Stanley.
But the issue of women's support for one another — or lack of it — in the workplace
is a critical issue, especially with more women moving into the labor force and into leadership roles.
More women today are business owners: There were 6.5 million female-owned businesses
in 2002, up 20% from 1997, according to the U.S. Census. Their revenue totaled
$951 billion, up 16% from 1997. More women are working. In 1970, about 43% of
women age 16 and older were in the labor force. In 2004, women's labor force
participation rate was about 59%, according to the Department of Labor. They
hold about half the management, professional and related positions. About 68
million women were working or looking for work in 2004, according to the Department of Labor.
Why women compete
There are several theories given for workplace friction among women:
•Few top spots for women. Many industries and professions are still largely
dominated by men (for example, 14% of architects and engineers were women in
2004, according to the Labor Department, and 29% of doctors and surgeons were women).
While women hold more than half of all management and professional positions, they
make up less than 2% of Fortune 500 and Fortune 1000 CEOs, according to Catalyst.
Ellen Kirk of Sunnyvale, Calif., is marketing vice president at Tropos Networks, a
provider of wireless broadband. But she says she used to work in investment
banking, where she says the competition among women was fierce.
"It was not what I'd call healthy. It was a lot of sniping," she says.
"It took the form of backstabbing. They were publicly supportive, but they
were insidiously, privately not supportive. It's behind the scenes. It's nasty
things said behind closed doors."
•The "nice" syndrome. From an early age, girls are generally taught to
get along and encouraged to be nice to others, while boys are often encouraged
to compete openly and vigorously.
In the workforce, that manifests itself as women who feel uncomfortable in direct
competition with others — and are more likely to develop subversive tactics, author Mooney says.
"The message women get is that the only healthy relationship is to have a positive
relationship and be nice. Then we get into the workplace, and it's competitive," Mooney says.
"Women tend to compete but act like they're not competing. So we get a reputation for backstabbing."
And being too nice might be a detriment to advancement. Women give more help to
co-workers than men do but get less credit for it, according to a research report by assistant management professor Frank Flynn at Columbia University's Graduate School of Business. The help women give to co-workers on the job tends to be significantly underappreciated, he says.
•Different communication styles. Women tend to form interpersonal relationships by sharing intimate details or experiences about their lives. But this can come back to haunt them if a female confidante is then promoted or becomes their boss. That can lead to bitterness, jealousy and lack of trust, Mooney says.
Women need to be assertive
Some women say they have experienced the competition first hand. Kimberly Charles says she has three sisters and knows the value of good, supportive female relationships.
The problem, she says, is that relationships can also sour. When she worked in the wine importing industry, an early boss was a mentor who gave her high praise and encouragement. But Charles says as she became more established, her mentor became her competitor.
"I found myself uninvited from meetings, social occasions, memos gone unanswered and generally a slow ebbing of decision-making taken away since I was no longer a protégée, but now a competitor in her eyes," Charles, 42, says in an e-mail.
In the end, Charles says she determined that her boss had insecurities that ultimately prevented her from promoting success in her staff. Today, Charles owns her own San Francisco-based marketing and public relations business
specializing in the wine industry, adding, "I've had a number of experiences in the workplace, working with women, which interestingly have led me to start my own business in order to get free from the perplexing, often
duplicitous environment I've experienced."
But other businesswomen say focusing solely on women's competition styles is misled.
Lois Wyse, co-founder and now chair of Cleveland-based Wyse Advertising, is the
author of more than 60 books including poetry, fiction, non-fiction and
children's books. As a pioneer who paved the way for other working women, she
doesn't believe that women compete differently than men.
But she does believe women today are more competitive with each other than they
were in the 1960s and '70s, when the business world was dominated by men.
"The women in business now aren't aware of the fact that women used to bring in
coffee and not reports," Wyse says. "Because of that, they're more competitive
instead of working together."
"We become the people the company we keep, so keep good company."-an ancient Indian proverb. The company you keep are not just the physical ones, so be aware of the "guides" or other entities around you. Remember they have their own paths, so you are just a part of their experience, don't confuse yourself or loose your...self to guides. Its like any other realtionship; it needs to be appropriate to your path. - Trella
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